Ok so it seems that this is going to be even harder that I had thought.
When people make the statement "It's all about the kid(s)", that becomes more true if your not out drinking every night. People can preach how much their kids mean to them but until you can step up and actually take what you need out of the equation and make what they need be the most important thing then your just spouting out the crap!
In this situation it has been a long road of having to ask my husband to grow up. He in return says that I need to grow up (as you can see the maturity level in our house is low). I am of the school that parenting is a full time job and to be taken seriously. There are too many kids out there that don't get enough of a focus on them and I don't want my child to be one of thoses kids. I don't want him to be a kid like I was, sitting waiting for a daddy that wasn't coming. I don't want to be the bitter mother that feels the financial burden and feels it unfair that her life got taken away because she spends all her time making money so that the baby can have all he needs.
Since my husband refused to grow up when he was here, (now that he has even less responsibility he has nothing to hold him back) I am concerned that he will be the daddy that bolts. He has already shirked off seeing his son and has also taken no financial responsibility. He does though have money to go out drinking buy drugs and take cabs all over Gods green acre.
You ask why would he chose to do this and his response "He's just doing him". Isn't that a spectacular reason. I'm trying to mend a crushed little boy who wants his daddy who keeps looking for his daddy but doesn't understand that daddy has a problem that for a long time mommy fought against. This only created a wall and yes I know you can't make an addict quit and you can't reason with someones ego, but I thought he loved at least him enough to try. You can take me out of the equation even though I sit here wondering how you can look at a little boy that precious and happy and smart and so loving that he can make even the grayest day bright, and not try to not even care. To put your own selfish (yes I think they are selfish) needs ahead of something that beautiful and pure something so unconditional as your childs love.
I am angry I am hurt I do feel wronged, but I am ripped apart watching that little looking for daddy.
So please if your going to put the kids first, then damn it put them first.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
When enough is enough
So the events of the past week are justt to much for me. I have asked my husband to leave. This decision was based on many factors, mainly he refuses to give up doing drugs and working at bars till 4am.
Now please understand I have not fallen out of love with my husband. I have seen the darker side of his addiction, his complete removal from doing any thing productive or helpful is too much.
When asked a year and a half ago to stop smoking pot he did reluctantly, I was knowing too well that this might blow up in my face. It did but it took a year for him to ride a steady decline. He started hiding it from me and then when confronted he lied.
We then started having to weather some financial waves, now this is both of us that had to deal with this. He lost it he spirialed down and didn't even want to see the top. I tried my best to help him but was met with A BRICK WALL OF RESISITANCE!!! To the point of hiding his head under pillows and blankets to continue putting off any conversations. He had said many times, "You just need to let it go". I don't believe that ignoring something till it "goes away" is productive in anyway. I know him and I are different in our approches to life. I want to face it head on and try to find a solution as quickily as possible. He on the other hand wants it all to go away.
That would be really nice if that work think of it, you would never have to deal with another problem just keep putting it to the back of your mind and eventually it goes away.
In my experience with this form of "Dealing with life" (which is vast, I used to be a hider too) it is short lived and only sinks you into a much deeper hole.
This brings me to my next point, "It ain't all about you anymore" our son, who is spectacular deserves more.He deserves to not see life from the bottom and have to climb out because of my husbands or my laziness or lack of want to do something. This is the statement that all to be parents and parents alike need to hear, Your childhood is over, the moment that you decided that a new little person into the world you have to step up and take all that you want and need out of the equation. I'm not saying be chained to the house, (though some of you will) but parenthood is a full time job. this means all of you this does not mean when you feel like it.
I am not an expert I do not have all the answers but I'm willing to fail and pick myself up. I am willing to fight for the things that matter to me and I will stand my ground. I do all this for my choice for my son.
That said I would like to say that I waited till I was older to have my child and to get married. I believed that it is important for all people to have thier lives and thier own adventures before venturing into the scary land that is parenthood. I amt not be the most mature and I don't have it all figured out, but I'm doing my best
Now please understand I have not fallen out of love with my husband. I have seen the darker side of his addiction, his complete removal from doing any thing productive or helpful is too much.
When asked a year and a half ago to stop smoking pot he did reluctantly, I was knowing too well that this might blow up in my face. It did but it took a year for him to ride a steady decline. He started hiding it from me and then when confronted he lied.
We then started having to weather some financial waves, now this is both of us that had to deal with this. He lost it he spirialed down and didn't even want to see the top. I tried my best to help him but was met with A BRICK WALL OF RESISITANCE!!! To the point of hiding his head under pillows and blankets to continue putting off any conversations. He had said many times, "You just need to let it go". I don't believe that ignoring something till it "goes away" is productive in anyway. I know him and I are different in our approches to life. I want to face it head on and try to find a solution as quickily as possible. He on the other hand wants it all to go away.
That would be really nice if that work think of it, you would never have to deal with another problem just keep putting it to the back of your mind and eventually it goes away.
In my experience with this form of "Dealing with life" (which is vast, I used to be a hider too) it is short lived and only sinks you into a much deeper hole.
This brings me to my next point, "It ain't all about you anymore" our son, who is spectacular deserves more.He deserves to not see life from the bottom and have to climb out because of my husbands or my laziness or lack of want to do something. This is the statement that all to be parents and parents alike need to hear, Your childhood is over, the moment that you decided that a new little person into the world you have to step up and take all that you want and need out of the equation. I'm not saying be chained to the house, (though some of you will) but parenthood is a full time job. this means all of you this does not mean when you feel like it.
I am not an expert I do not have all the answers but I'm willing to fail and pick myself up. I am willing to fight for the things that matter to me and I will stand my ground. I do all this for my choice for my son.
That said I would like to say that I waited till I was older to have my child and to get married. I believed that it is important for all people to have thier lives and thier own adventures before venturing into the scary land that is parenthood. I amt not be the most mature and I don't have it all figured out, but I'm doing my best
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Schools or the Parents
So here's the latest in Oh My God moments this week. Teaching 3rd graders about sex education. They say the reason for this being taught so early is because 80% of ninth graders are sexually active. Is this happening bacause of the bombardment of information that our children have accessable to them? Is it because we as adults are desensitised? Or is this just another thing that us as parents are passing on doing with our kids?
Ok first thing, 80% of ninth graders are sexually active. I thik before we take this statistic seriously some of those little boys that were asked need to be stuck on a lie detector. You know what I'm saying.
So let's go with about a modest 65% of 14 year olds are actually having sex, (that sound worse when you say 14 rather than 9th grader) if these kids are informed of what can happen and how to protect themselves then that's all you can do, unless your not adverse to home schooling and spending every waking minute being a voyeristic parent with the "Nanny Cam". Teenagers are going to do the most defiant thing that they can find so be willing to talk to the kiddies about the intercourse. You could make a game of it, see if you can gross your kid out before giving yourself a stroke. Could be quite the race. A majority of parents are too uncomfortable to have "The Talk" so their little hormone filled offspring are running around with no information and not enough of a set to actually buy the condoms or to ask the doctor about birth control. So what have we learned? If you don't want to be a grandparent helping teach your grandkid to walk right before you take your daughter out for her first driving test, then suck it up and start teaching your kids how to act like responsible adults.
This brings me to my next point are we to easy going on what our little ones little ears and eyes are being filled with? Do we not think that those little sponge brained 3 year olds can understand when something bad is on T.V? There have been certain instances in which I realized that my 2 year old has started to pay attention and has gotten really good at imitating. That scares me a little.
I think in all honesty that it might be a really good idea for all of the parents to stop complaining when the schools actually step up to the plate and start the education that you should start with your child. To teach your children how to be responsible and informed, to decide what's best for them and make decisions based on valid teachings and being able to have an open and honest dialoge with either of their parents. I would want to know what my kids teachers are saying to them at the very least so that I can decide whether that's what I want my child to hear. Or even to solidify the original teaching. I want to know that I have given my little one all the tools he will need to go out and be a good man. I also want him to hear it from me.
That's all I've got for today
Kisses.
Ok first thing, 80% of ninth graders are sexually active. I thik before we take this statistic seriously some of those little boys that were asked need to be stuck on a lie detector. You know what I'm saying.
So let's go with about a modest 65% of 14 year olds are actually having sex, (that sound worse when you say 14 rather than 9th grader) if these kids are informed of what can happen and how to protect themselves then that's all you can do, unless your not adverse to home schooling and spending every waking minute being a voyeristic parent with the "Nanny Cam". Teenagers are going to do the most defiant thing that they can find so be willing to talk to the kiddies about the intercourse. You could make a game of it, see if you can gross your kid out before giving yourself a stroke. Could be quite the race. A majority of parents are too uncomfortable to have "The Talk" so their little hormone filled offspring are running around with no information and not enough of a set to actually buy the condoms or to ask the doctor about birth control. So what have we learned? If you don't want to be a grandparent helping teach your grandkid to walk right before you take your daughter out for her first driving test, then suck it up and start teaching your kids how to act like responsible adults.
This brings me to my next point are we to easy going on what our little ones little ears and eyes are being filled with? Do we not think that those little sponge brained 3 year olds can understand when something bad is on T.V? There have been certain instances in which I realized that my 2 year old has started to pay attention and has gotten really good at imitating. That scares me a little.
I think in all honesty that it might be a really good idea for all of the parents to stop complaining when the schools actually step up to the plate and start the education that you should start with your child. To teach your children how to be responsible and informed, to decide what's best for them and make decisions based on valid teachings and being able to have an open and honest dialoge with either of their parents. I would want to know what my kids teachers are saying to them at the very least so that I can decide whether that's what I want my child to hear. Or even to solidify the original teaching. I want to know that I have given my little one all the tools he will need to go out and be a good man. I also want him to hear it from me.
That's all I've got for today
Kisses.
Monday, April 19, 2010
The lost art of conversation
So lets call this what it is, a lost art. Communication has become one of the hardest things to accomplish even under the best of curcumstances. Now we have to battle against Text messages, BBM messages, voicemail, e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, and numerous other portals that have to be checked on such a frequent basis that we could lose our minds. I prefer the good old fashioned way you sit down you look at a person and SHOCKING!!! You talk! This is our most elusive forms of communication the "conversation" it's like the unicorn form of communicating. Stunningly beautiful when you achive it, but many don't believe it exhists.
I do have to say also in the defense of tech talkers, there is an efficiency to it but without emoticons how do you express the emotions? You live only in the flat black and white world of text, your thumbs bleeding from those tiny little buttons and the frustration of hitting send by accident. How did we get to believe that we are so busy that we can spend 2 hours a day returning emails or sending them when you could pick up the phone and talk for 2 minutes and express what you really want to say with emotion and feeling. I don't even understand why some cell phones have an actual phone to it, it never gets used so why have it. It's like when you walk into some ones office and they have their cell right next to their office phone, is the land line art? What purpose does it serve? It doesn't.
My child will learn to converse it is necessary to survival in my family, you don't chat, you might as well be wall paper. I grew up in a house where everyone got a chance to speak, but you had to have a valid and well thought out arguement to hold the floor. If not some one could swoop in with an "Interesting, but what about this?" and as quickly as you had it, it was taken away. The beautiful part was you had to actually listen to what the other person had to say so that you could get your spotlight back, and let me tell you my family talks fast so either pay attention or get really used to sitting there with a really confused look on your face. We would go through about 10 topics in about 2 hrs after dinner, some people would fall of in to sub-chats as I call them but I always liked to stick with the big dogs. The people who got SUPER passionate about what they believed and they had lots to back it up. It never really was an arguement so much as a battle royal for verbal supremicy. I miss doing that so much.
It's hard not to feel socially stagnated in a no talk zone. I have caught myself striking up conversations with strangers just to get a fix, older people are the best they'll talk for hours.
I will close with this, I do see the hypocrisy in typing my rants and yes I can appreciate it as a bit humourous but all people know that your feelings have to come out some how, so if you can do it in the way that you want you better get it out in the best way possible, uninterupted.
Lots of love and respect to you. Now go find some one to talk to.
I do have to say also in the defense of tech talkers, there is an efficiency to it but without emoticons how do you express the emotions? You live only in the flat black and white world of text, your thumbs bleeding from those tiny little buttons and the frustration of hitting send by accident. How did we get to believe that we are so busy that we can spend 2 hours a day returning emails or sending them when you could pick up the phone and talk for 2 minutes and express what you really want to say with emotion and feeling. I don't even understand why some cell phones have an actual phone to it, it never gets used so why have it. It's like when you walk into some ones office and they have their cell right next to their office phone, is the land line art? What purpose does it serve? It doesn't.
My child will learn to converse it is necessary to survival in my family, you don't chat, you might as well be wall paper. I grew up in a house where everyone got a chance to speak, but you had to have a valid and well thought out arguement to hold the floor. If not some one could swoop in with an "Interesting, but what about this?" and as quickly as you had it, it was taken away. The beautiful part was you had to actually listen to what the other person had to say so that you could get your spotlight back, and let me tell you my family talks fast so either pay attention or get really used to sitting there with a really confused look on your face. We would go through about 10 topics in about 2 hrs after dinner, some people would fall of in to sub-chats as I call them but I always liked to stick with the big dogs. The people who got SUPER passionate about what they believed and they had lots to back it up. It never really was an arguement so much as a battle royal for verbal supremicy. I miss doing that so much.
It's hard not to feel socially stagnated in a no talk zone. I have caught myself striking up conversations with strangers just to get a fix, older people are the best they'll talk for hours.
I will close with this, I do see the hypocrisy in typing my rants and yes I can appreciate it as a bit humourous but all people know that your feelings have to come out some how, so if you can do it in the way that you want you better get it out in the best way possible, uninterupted.
Lots of love and respect to you. Now go find some one to talk to.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Free Speech vs. Tolerance
In a city like Ottawa we have to wear our politicly correct hat all the time. Well mine is coming off, I would just like to preface by saying I am not classified as any strict political type. I believe that all veiws are relevent and necsassary to our society and culture.
Ann Coulter sparked great debate among all when she was requested to "tone it down", by the president of Ottawa U. This in my opinion was done on his part to ensure possibly her safety and to ensure her message would not be misconstrued as slander. No such luck, She decided to set off a slanderous bomb, for lack of a better term. Her email to the Ottawa Citizen was the beginning of the end of her stay in Ottawa. I will not quote her plainly because I do not wish to hear what she said again.
After these protests and debates over wrong and right, who is and who isn't?
No one, I beleive this is no longer the great debate of free speech it has turned into a question of tolerance. Do we have it or not?
When you have the fortune of living in a country that has social programs, free lunch programs in schools, good shelters and soup kitchens, and assistance for all. That would dictate a generous and responsible society. Many would disagree with me, Taxes are high, school systems are down, no art grants. all valid arguements. I agree we are the cultivaters of art and fitness in this country. Now how many art programs are available in say Uganda Or Haiti. How many of you live in a leaning piece of cardboard against a wall to house you and your 3 children because your husband was killed by a solider for not getting out of the way fast enough. Do you think that woman should not merit any kind of help to get out of a situation that is not of her doing, should her chldren suffer and starve to death because their father didn`t get off the street when told.
This never would have happened here, this is in my mind the reason our tolerance needs to rise. We have high awareness and we have compassion and we are the first in to help out when the going gets tough.
There are though those who feel in the right to say that they feel bullied into this ¨mulit-cultural¨ society. I don`t feel bullied I feel as if it is something that enriches our cities schools and businesses. I do agree there are some who when given the chance will abuse the system, don`t be too diluted we do it ALL the time and feel it in our right because it`s our country. Well I say Ok thet is your issue with the welfare office. they have hotlines call it in if your such a concerned citizen. People like to talk but they have no action. For them Shut it!
Back to the tolerance in our society you have the right, no the privledge to speak your mind the one thing you must bear in mind, so does everyone else. Deal with it. You feel so bullied go to a country that some of these people came from and see why it is that their here now. I don`t know many people who would up root the whole family to move across an ocean or contient just because they had a bad week. I say this is free country and you are free to leave if you feel so hard done by, just do us a favor drop us a card before you go infront a firing squad ( yes they still have them in some places) for running that mouth.
I have had, do have, and always will have friends of the ¨multi-cultural¨ back grounds. I am proud of the fact that I don`t always agree with what they say or do but I have tolerance for their right to do it.
Ann Coulter sparked great debate among all when she was requested to "tone it down", by the president of Ottawa U. This in my opinion was done on his part to ensure possibly her safety and to ensure her message would not be misconstrued as slander. No such luck, She decided to set off a slanderous bomb, for lack of a better term. Her email to the Ottawa Citizen was the beginning of the end of her stay in Ottawa. I will not quote her plainly because I do not wish to hear what she said again.
After these protests and debates over wrong and right, who is and who isn't?
No one, I beleive this is no longer the great debate of free speech it has turned into a question of tolerance. Do we have it or not?
When you have the fortune of living in a country that has social programs, free lunch programs in schools, good shelters and soup kitchens, and assistance for all. That would dictate a generous and responsible society. Many would disagree with me, Taxes are high, school systems are down, no art grants. all valid arguements. I agree we are the cultivaters of art and fitness in this country. Now how many art programs are available in say Uganda Or Haiti. How many of you live in a leaning piece of cardboard against a wall to house you and your 3 children because your husband was killed by a solider for not getting out of the way fast enough. Do you think that woman should not merit any kind of help to get out of a situation that is not of her doing, should her chldren suffer and starve to death because their father didn`t get off the street when told.
This never would have happened here, this is in my mind the reason our tolerance needs to rise. We have high awareness and we have compassion and we are the first in to help out when the going gets tough.
There are though those who feel in the right to say that they feel bullied into this ¨mulit-cultural¨ society. I don`t feel bullied I feel as if it is something that enriches our cities schools and businesses. I do agree there are some who when given the chance will abuse the system, don`t be too diluted we do it ALL the time and feel it in our right because it`s our country. Well I say Ok thet is your issue with the welfare office. they have hotlines call it in if your such a concerned citizen. People like to talk but they have no action. For them Shut it!
Back to the tolerance in our society you have the right, no the privledge to speak your mind the one thing you must bear in mind, so does everyone else. Deal with it. You feel so bullied go to a country that some of these people came from and see why it is that their here now. I don`t know many people who would up root the whole family to move across an ocean or contient just because they had a bad week. I say this is free country and you are free to leave if you feel so hard done by, just do us a favor drop us a card before you go infront a firing squad ( yes they still have them in some places) for running that mouth.
I have had, do have, and always will have friends of the ¨multi-cultural¨ back grounds. I am proud of the fact that I don`t always agree with what they say or do but I have tolerance for their right to do it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
So this is it
So let me put this as delicately as I can, My boss is a jack ass! Ok so that wasn't so delicate. I have been let go from my job plainly because I told my boss that this isn't working out anymore. There was no communication between him and I, He was pitting the evening and the day staff against each other, and when your in a team enviroment doesn't work out so well.
I was sent very uncerimoniously out the door at the end of my shift on Friday, ah well guess I should have made those changes to the schedual before he fired me(they'll have some fun Friday). So after almost 6years of working for the same person I have been set free on the city once more. All I want to say is "Thank God it's over", Anyone else who has worked there says it takes a few days for the Stockholm Effect to wear off. Me it didn't even take 24hrs. The feeling of freedom not being under the thumb of Dunns and Stanley Devine is amazing, it is really a fog that you have to shake off to really see how it is that this place runs, for example. At no point is any employee to be allowed to take a break( but you have to post the break schedual). At no time is any employee allowed to call in sick, EVER! Any injuries sustained by any employee on the work premiss are not to be reported until Stanley has given his consent to send the paper work. if any manager breaks these rules they may be terminated with no notice or severance. What aload of crap. I broke everyone of thoses rules, and would do it again. Good bye Dunns you will not be missed nor will there be any type of regret as to the loss of my position.
I was sent very uncerimoniously out the door at the end of my shift on Friday, ah well guess I should have made those changes to the schedual before he fired me(they'll have some fun Friday). So after almost 6years of working for the same person I have been set free on the city once more. All I want to say is "Thank God it's over", Anyone else who has worked there says it takes a few days for the Stockholm Effect to wear off. Me it didn't even take 24hrs. The feeling of freedom not being under the thumb of Dunns and Stanley Devine is amazing, it is really a fog that you have to shake off to really see how it is that this place runs, for example. At no point is any employee to be allowed to take a break( but you have to post the break schedual). At no time is any employee allowed to call in sick, EVER! Any injuries sustained by any employee on the work premiss are not to be reported until Stanley has given his consent to send the paper work. if any manager breaks these rules they may be terminated with no notice or severance. What aload of crap. I broke everyone of thoses rules, and would do it again. Good bye Dunns you will not be missed nor will there be any type of regret as to the loss of my position.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Daycare The new frontier
So as of Febuary 1st my sweet, sweet baby bot will start Daycare. This I understand now as a necessity. He will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine. Maybe if I say it enough times I will believe it, I do believe it but it's still hard to think he's 2. seriously where did the last 2 years go, I remember being present but I just don't feel like I've really been here for the whole thing, anyways.
I'm kinda shocked at how quickly it happened,(I apologize to anyone reading this who had to take a long time on waiting lists or having to work through the part time aspect to get to the coveted Monday - Friday spot. It took me 3 whole days to seal the deal, tha's right kids 72 agony filled hours. I've heard of parents who put their kids on lists when they're pregnant and still have heard nothing by the time the kid is 2. We also have a subsidised spot opening up for us in 6 months. It is absolutly crazy when I think about it. This daycare is also rated in the top 15% in the city and is actually pretty hard to get into. It's bilingual 10 hours a day and has a class size of no more than 9 kids per day. The teachers are made up of a registered nurse an ECE teachers assit from Algonquin college 2 previous kindergarden teachers and a very sweet older lady that is the volenteer who has 8 grandchildren. Alex has taken quite a shine to her. The 2 other students in the class are in the process of completing their child pychology degree at Ottawa U.
I would have to say after meeting them all and seeing how well Alex took to them all I'm sure he will be fine.
he will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine. I'm almost there maybe I just need alittle more time.
I'm kinda shocked at how quickly it happened,(I apologize to anyone reading this who had to take a long time on waiting lists or having to work through the part time aspect to get to the coveted Monday - Friday spot. It took me 3 whole days to seal the deal, tha's right kids 72 agony filled hours. I've heard of parents who put their kids on lists when they're pregnant and still have heard nothing by the time the kid is 2. We also have a subsidised spot opening up for us in 6 months. It is absolutly crazy when I think about it. This daycare is also rated in the top 15% in the city and is actually pretty hard to get into. It's bilingual 10 hours a day and has a class size of no more than 9 kids per day. The teachers are made up of a registered nurse an ECE teachers assit from Algonquin college 2 previous kindergarden teachers and a very sweet older lady that is the volenteer who has 8 grandchildren. Alex has taken quite a shine to her. The 2 other students in the class are in the process of completing their child pychology degree at Ottawa U.
I would have to say after meeting them all and seeing how well Alex took to them all I'm sure he will be fine.
he will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine. I'm almost there maybe I just need alittle more time.
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