Sunday, July 18, 2010

And we are done

So it seems that my husband soon to be ex husband has gone back to his old ways. He was honestly (up until I guess it was around the beginning of this year) the person who I thought actually got me. I guess I was wrong. It was an odd evolution he just sort of shut down. He started sleeping about 16 hours a day and constantly complaining that he was tired and never got any sleep. He started using drugs after over a year of giving them up. I think my favorite was when I would find empty baggies for cocaine and he told me (because he worked in a bar) that he just picked them up off the floor at work. Does anyone out there know of anyone who would lose thier blow and not flip over a fridge to find it? So you'll have to pardon me if I think that's a load of crap. Next the constantly finding little deposits of pot everywhere. The best is when we would fight and he would hole up in the bedroom and roll joints on the bedside table and leave reminants and ripped up pieces of cardboard that he had used for filter. I mean come on, I used to use with him when we started dating, did he really think that I wouldn't notice? Or understand what was going on?
Let's fast forward to a few weeks ago. My husband has now managed to chose going out to drink instead of being at home with me, probably because I told him I wanted to spend more time with him.He has chosen to have naked pictures of some 20 year old girl on his phone, ( nothing says self respect like spreading naked pictures of yourself around from your web cam, SCORE!) All the while she is running her mouth about how they are sleeping together and have been for a while. Plus everytime he goes anywhere she is right there.
My husband has a small issue with needing to be taken care of, Don't ever ask him to take care of you. He only wants to look like the big man he has no follow through. Him and I have lived together for 4 years and in that time I have paid for almost everything. I even went back to work 6 weeks after or son was born, lying and saying it was because I couldn't handle the pressure of staying at home when in actuallity it was because we were broke. In April when I lost my job/Quit my job I expected since I had taken care of it all for the last few years it was his turn till I found another job. No such luck, apparently asking him to take on more financial responsiblity was wrong of me, he had been living off me for too long(and my parents and my grandparents) and he wasn't giving it up. He did however express at every turn how stupid I was for losing my job. So much love I had no idea what to do with myself. I still amnaged to get mostly ewverythimg paid for April and May with help from my family. I also got to listen to how much my husband had to work and how amny hours a day he put in, the number of days in a row he had to work. Let me pose this question then, Where in hell is all this money your supposed to be making then if I have my parents and grandparents paying for the rent and daycare costs, I am still covering all the grocery costs and we have companies sending us notices for payment in arrears? If you are actually at work and making the money that you brag about making, then where is it?
Ladies and any gentlemen that run into this issue with you spouse, they are lying to you. They will also maange to make it your fault. It amazes me to no end how defensive people get when they know they have done something wrong but refuse to accept it. " I don't have a problem, you have a problem." Yes I do have a problem, I'm tired of being lied to by the person who is supposed to be my partner and the person who I am supposed to depend on.

Here we go in closing, If at anytime you are able to look at your spouse and say, "You have done eveything in your power to cut me out cut down and cut me up, especially when I spend a majority of my time trying to help you, take care of you, and love you." Then it's time to take off the ring and cut and run.
That feeling of your heart breaking will last for a long time and you will look back and wonder how it was that someone who you spent so much of your time caring for and worrying about and spoke I love you I miss you, When will you be home? How did they do it? Why would they do it?
They do it because in thier head no one is more important than them, no one will ever be able to make them happy, because at sometime the person they are with will need something from them and then when it isn't all about them and thier needs and thier ego they will do the same thing again.

I am done.