Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Just to clear the air

So let me say that I recived a message about my blog from Alberts new girlfriend who has expressed how much Albert is hurting and how he cries everyday. The only thing I can say to her is the same thing I say to everyone. Get both sides of the story before you start shooting your mouth off. Did she ever take in to consideration that if he actually hadn't done anything wrong would the police have charged him? Why would CAS still need to be involved? How long did I spend trying to get the restraining order lifted so that supervised visits could be possible? Why is it always me having to make a new ways for Albert to see Alex, after Albert manages to screw up yet again all because Albert has to have everything his way? The other question would be if he is such a wonderful father why hasn't he bothered to pay child support? If he is such a wonderful person why was it all the people he said hated me are confused as to why it is he would say that when they don't feel they ever gave him that impression? How about when I told him I would do anything I could to help him he decided to scream the most horrible and hurtful things at me? Why was I threatened with Albert trying to have Alex put in foster care so that his mother could move here to be the one to take care of him? Also how did he get EVERYTHING in his apartment, I have to say that was me. Who made sure Albert got that job he has now. That would be me also. Who was it that covered everything while he decided to keep a job that paid nothing, ME. Anyone is free to take whatever shots you want, you can sit there and happily sing his praises. I did for a long time and stood up for him at all points I took time to go to his sister to try and find a way to make that marriage work. I had to listen to how I was stupid how I had a crap job. How anything I wanted or needed got to take a backseat to him and his needs. Maybe someone should tell you the story of how a certain person decide that my care after or son was born and after I had gone through a cesarean to have him was not important, ask him about how I got left on the stairs at 3am and told to "Suck it the fuck up and get back to bed" Let's find out why it was that he wanted to get married and he wanted to have a baby but when it got hard he ran. Like a scared child he ran. Trust me there are alot of people out there that are chomping at the bit for Albert to ask their opinion. They won't offer it but have all said if the opportunity presents itself they will. They will also smile and nod and be friendly until that time. I on the other hand will express my opinion because it was my marriage and Alex is my son and I am a wonderful parent who actually understood the sacrifices that would be required of me. Albert always complained that I wanted him to change. I never did if anything I didn't like the self absorbed person he became. Plus if anything he wanted me to change back to being the vodka swilling drug using out every night girl I used to be. He is very happy with that life and when I lived it with him I was happy to. He is excellent at the first part and Albert is great fun to be around at that stage but when it comes to the substance it isn't there. Like Albert said if it had just stayed him and I it would have been fine. I guess life just got too real for him.
So I guess I would have to say to the new girlfriend if you wish to have an opinion maybe you should really get your facts straight mybe you should pay attention to the fact that he can manage to start a new relationship before he has even started to get divorced. Just wait he will show his true colors, same as with the last 2 girlfriends before me and the same as he did with me. I will happily post your comment so that all the people can see also that I have no issue with taking in what you have to say.
TaTa darlings

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The endless cycle

So since I use this blog as my own version of therapy I guess it is time for my latest session.
I would like to discuss something that has been weighting on my brain for a bit. It is a cycle that I have noticed in some people.
My Ex has decided to finally bring the girlfriend out of the shadows and on to Facebook, if he wouldn't mind taking down our wedding photos first or of me pregnant or videos of us. Little closure to the last family before you start the next one.
So here's the thing I have in the true sense of me have been digging for some information. Here is what I have learned. He has a cycle, any relationship he starts must start before the last one ends. There is always cheating involved, no matter how much he denys it. He then will keep the new girl low key and stay only in the circle of mutual friends, meaning anyone close enough to know both sides of what happened in the last relationship is out. he blends into her life with promises of love and companionship that could span 2 lifetimes, he's lying just so you know. He will then proceed to test this girl by either pulling out all of his best sob stories and how he has been so wronged and misunderstood. This too is a lie he needs sympathy and female attention at any turn. Make no mistake about it his loyalites are to himself and himself alone. After this girl has learned to deal with the constant barrage of phone calls text messages and any girl in a 5 mile radious is encouraged to practicly climb him in any attempt to see how far she will let him go. Also during this time if she opts for her own space it will be met with "Sure honey no problem" it will probably come out that he was with another girl on that night, my favorite part of that is when he would bring them to MY home to entertain them.
Soon the I love yous start and the deep meaningful stares, beware these are bullshit too. He will seem popular until it ends and you find out that most if not all your friends thought that he was a moron who complained too much and thought that he knew everything. You then look back and realize that there was always a lot of smiling and nodding when he would talk. This is also the point where you realize you were in love with him and he never had any intention of loving you back. This statement will constantly ring in my ears "If I had know that this (6months of cheating on his last girlfriend) would turn into me falling in love with you, I would have ended it before so that you didn't have to question how much I only want to be with you".
Here is my problem, I never trusted him, not a single day and I was harassed for that constantly. How can you be married to someone and not trust them? The answer, you don't. You must trust someone to love them. You must be honest to get trust.
Well as far as I can tell he is back to his mousey plain Jane teacher type. They usually are remarkablly similar in looks to his sister or his mother. Freud much?
Just remember when a girl/woman will enter into a relationship with a man who is first, still married. Second not doing anything to take care of his son, like not paying his child support. Last but definatly not least has a restraining order against him, and has to be supervised to see his kid. Which I might add he cuts every visit short to 90 minutes only. Do you honestly think he is telling the truth?
Do you think his family is stable when each sibling has alcohol or drug problems. A sister that has to reak violence on anyone who quetions her.
Plus like he has said, "Pretty girls are too high maintenance, I'm going back to the others."
All I can say is I'm sure there will be back lash from this because we all know your never allowed to say anything truthful, might tarnish the stellar reputation he "thinks" he has.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Stop me if you have heard this.

Ok so to those of you who don't know me well, I come from a "broken home" What a stupid term. My parents amrried when they were 20 had me when they were 21, ( this maybe why I refused to entertain the idea of marriage or kids till 30)
For about 12 years I didn't see much of my father, I also spent every weekend at my grandparents and on month from summer vacation with my paternal grandparents and the other month with my maternal grandparents. So pretty much I have had about 5 people as my parents growing up.
On to this post though. I am in the middle of a custody battle for my son. I have tried to find a nice way to say this, but I can't. I will try tactful though.
My 34 year old husband(soon to be ex) has now decided after almost 3 months of barely seeing our son that he is filing for joint custody. Now for those of you with kids would you take any opportunity to see your kid(s)? I know I would.
So my husband is a little underhanded to say the least. He has already informed me that he has a friend ( he always has a friend) who works as a behavioral therapist of some sort. Now understand before anyone gets to weigh in on any issue you must have both sides, to understand the child and the life they have you must know a little bit about each parent and the role that they play in the childs life.
So when he tells me that she believes that it is best for our son at the age of 2 to have 2 homes and go back and forth between the 2. I have spoken to a worker at Childrens Aid and people at the family law clinic, the director of the daycare that he goes to, I would think these people would know what the most reasonable solution to this issue would be and they say... That overnight visits for children under the age of 5-6 (depending on maturity) are not recommended. It can be very stressful and confusing to a young child to live in 2 different homes. Ok now lets tie this information with my first statement. I grew up in no less than 3 homes, it really does take a village trust me. I have memories of so many different kinds of parenting styles and views, it's confusing. I broke free from my family for a long time in my 20's and had to learn who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be, I'm still fine tuning it. This was when I started talking more to my father my thought he cared about my feelings before then why would he start now, this is not a slam I believe that everone in thier life should have someone who they listen to and give the NO GODDAMN BULLSHIT ANSWER!!!!
This is also how I adapted my don't lie to people policy and don't lie to me in return. My philosophy I would rather have 5 minutes of hurt and start to deal with something rather than 5 months of wondering if it was true. I hate fake people they make me very angry.
So back to my dad, I have very frank conversations with him. He is the one who helped guide me a bit through this. He was the one who told me that when a guy who wanted a family,then turns around and has no respect for you and complains about everything you do (even if you are trying to help him) he says away and gets mad when you ask him to come home, Blames you for everything and still wants to have sex but no real emotional attachment that man is gone he is either self involved or otherwise involved, ( and considering him and I started when he was with his last girlfriend, I know I'm a moron) we can tell which way I was leaning.
Here is the big kicker my father did the same thing to my mom, greatest childhood fear realized you damn well better believe it. So when your father who you have resented through most of your life for what he did tells you that your husband is acting the same as he did, you make them leave and quickly, do not pass go do not collect $200 just get the hell outta Dodge!
So now my absentee husband decided 2 times last week to blow our son off plainly because the situation was now to his liking. He is supposed to be supervised he doesn't want to be. He had someone to pick him up if he needed and then just let him spend time with his son, but no. He says that I am using our son as a weapon. When you are giving him lots of opportunity and lots of options and he still has to bugger off because he isn't getting his way then that I take personally don't blow off your kid they don't deal with parental rejection well and it will come back to haunt you.
So like I said to all the parents out there how much of yourself and your pride are you willing to give up for the unspeakable joy of being with youyr kids?
Me, I would do anything. You want me to learn how to stand in my hands and play tamboreen with my feet while playing Bach on a Kazoo to a sold out crowd in Wimbley stadium? Done and Done!
Don't blow off your kid because you don't get exactly what you want and then blame the other parent and tell them they are using your child as a weapon. I think my favorite part is when he told me he was filing for joint custody and would be taking our son 4 days a week and I could see how I like it.
So that is it, I'm too stressed out to continue and the bestest kid is starting to wake up from his nap, I can hear the singing.

Tata for now...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

And we are done

So it seems that my husband soon to be ex husband has gone back to his old ways. He was honestly (up until I guess it was around the beginning of this year) the person who I thought actually got me. I guess I was wrong. It was an odd evolution he just sort of shut down. He started sleeping about 16 hours a day and constantly complaining that he was tired and never got any sleep. He started using drugs after over a year of giving them up. I think my favorite was when I would find empty baggies for cocaine and he told me (because he worked in a bar) that he just picked them up off the floor at work. Does anyone out there know of anyone who would lose thier blow and not flip over a fridge to find it? So you'll have to pardon me if I think that's a load of crap. Next the constantly finding little deposits of pot everywhere. The best is when we would fight and he would hole up in the bedroom and roll joints on the bedside table and leave reminants and ripped up pieces of cardboard that he had used for filter. I mean come on, I used to use with him when we started dating, did he really think that I wouldn't notice? Or understand what was going on?
Let's fast forward to a few weeks ago. My husband has now managed to chose going out to drink instead of being at home with me, probably because I told him I wanted to spend more time with him.He has chosen to have naked pictures of some 20 year old girl on his phone, ( nothing says self respect like spreading naked pictures of yourself around from your web cam, SCORE!) All the while she is running her mouth about how they are sleeping together and have been for a while. Plus everytime he goes anywhere she is right there.
My husband has a small issue with needing to be taken care of, Don't ever ask him to take care of you. He only wants to look like the big man he has no follow through. Him and I have lived together for 4 years and in that time I have paid for almost everything. I even went back to work 6 weeks after or son was born, lying and saying it was because I couldn't handle the pressure of staying at home when in actuallity it was because we were broke. In April when I lost my job/Quit my job I expected since I had taken care of it all for the last few years it was his turn till I found another job. No such luck, apparently asking him to take on more financial responsiblity was wrong of me, he had been living off me for too long(and my parents and my grandparents) and he wasn't giving it up. He did however express at every turn how stupid I was for losing my job. So much love I had no idea what to do with myself. I still amnaged to get mostly ewverythimg paid for April and May with help from my family. I also got to listen to how much my husband had to work and how amny hours a day he put in, the number of days in a row he had to work. Let me pose this question then, Where in hell is all this money your supposed to be making then if I have my parents and grandparents paying for the rent and daycare costs, I am still covering all the grocery costs and we have companies sending us notices for payment in arrears? If you are actually at work and making the money that you brag about making, then where is it?
Ladies and any gentlemen that run into this issue with you spouse, they are lying to you. They will also maange to make it your fault. It amazes me to no end how defensive people get when they know they have done something wrong but refuse to accept it. " I don't have a problem, you have a problem." Yes I do have a problem, I'm tired of being lied to by the person who is supposed to be my partner and the person who I am supposed to depend on.

Here we go in closing, If at anytime you are able to look at your spouse and say, "You have done eveything in your power to cut me out cut down and cut me up, especially when I spend a majority of my time trying to help you, take care of you, and love you." Then it's time to take off the ring and cut and run.
That feeling of your heart breaking will last for a long time and you will look back and wonder how it was that someone who you spent so much of your time caring for and worrying about and spoke I love you I miss you, When will you be home? How did they do it? Why would they do it?
They do it because in thier head no one is more important than them, no one will ever be able to make them happy, because at sometime the person they are with will need something from them and then when it isn't all about them and thier needs and thier ego they will do the same thing again.

I am done.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I don't even know anymore.

So here it is in a nut shell. I want my husband to come home and try to work through the issues that we have and try and comprimise and find a way to live together.
I am starting to believe everyday little by little that my husband is trying to streeech this out. Here's what I mean, He wants to come home, but will not change anything this entails still getting to smoke pot still getting to stay out drinking till 5am if he so chooses. Not attempting in any way to change his job or explore any other options. This would mean him working irratic scheduels and being out till a minimum of 2am for up to 15 days in a row sometimes.
The other thing, he wants to come home but will not find time to text me back call me or come to the house. I have been left in limbo with no information I have no idea where he is or when he will be coming to see his son that is if he does at all.
Next he wants to come home but everytime he comes home he takes a few more things it's like Chinese water torture. 1 shirt (drip) couple pairs of sock (drip) underwear (drip). Seriously imagine it someone telling you that they love you but still displaying how much they are leaving.
He then tells me he owes me no explination and that he will be where he wants when he wants, it makes me feel like a second rate citizen. One of our biggest issues is trust it's not the best to know that he has no intention of trying to sway thoses fears.
You know what it feels like, It's like that really great guy that you start dating and he's so nice and he's so understanding, but he never calls you have to sit there wondering where he is, and when you call him he takes 2 days to call you back. You keep holding out hope for them to see you hear you and they don't. This was why in my 20's when I encountered a guy like that I usually never wanted to see them again and rightly so. Surprisingly all the guys that I know and I know a lot. They all lost a girl that a few years down the road realized that she would listen she would care she would help them, but she wouldn't put up with thier crap, none of it so she left them in the dust.
A word of advice that may serve you well. Life is an evolution you have to end some portions of your life for others to survive. this for me meant I don't go out and drink every night, I gave up the drugs, I don't date a string of men dropping them as soon as I feel that they are either too clingy or don't seem to be able to give me what I need. I learned to sacrific, I learned to find joys in eating dinner at a table with people I love, I learned that sometimes there is safety in knowing someone just wants you there by thier side. I also learned that it's better to have 1 person who is on your side who won't always agree with you but will help you will love you and it's hard and it hurts sometimes but you have to see passed the hurt to the person who is still standing there waiting to hold your hand through the whole thing.
So to my readers I know the pool is shallow please know my love for my husband is there, I need him to love me and I need him to see that sometimes you have to do the hard thing and put away childish things.

So ta for now


Sunday, June 13, 2010

When it's time to let go.

I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 2 weeks. I have also used this time to go on a little journey of self discovery. I have realized, I am angry. I'm angry at my father for just giving up, I'm also a little bitter that he refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing on his part. He surprisingly is still the person who I look to for honest answers, I look at it this way he has never taken my feelings into account before why would he start now? In the past 2 weeks I have had about 8 conversations with him that all resulted in the same way, "You are an angry person Jennifer you always have been, you need to just chill out. Life isn't that bad" Not too terribly sage advice from someone who has a few angry kids out there, not to mention a few angry wives.
Like I said thought I only look to him for honesty, so this I do have to consider, Am I so angry because I can't let go of the past because I am so desperate to alter what has already happened?
I do know that is impossible so I guess I just have to accept my fate and realize I just have to let it lay.
Next I am angry because I have always been the person who is "always on top of it" anyone who knows me knows what this means, for those who don't, If at anytime you find yourself in a situation that you need help, I'm the person you want there. I always have, well everything. I'm very serious I'm the person with diapers wipes blanket toys for your kids. Lipgloss hand cream brush makeup perfume or any other generally girly necessities. I always have some one to give you a lift some one with a truck to help you move, a hairdresser, real estate agent, financial advisor, great model or actor for a part. I can find you staff for a job, caters for a party, or better yet I can show you how to do it yourself for low cost and so you'll actually get to mingle.
Now you ask "OK crazy what's the freaking problem?", It is this, I'm tired I want someone else to do the juggling for a while, but I have been doing it for so long that it is almost expected of me, which brings me to my next point.
I hate disappointing people or not meeting the expectations that they may have or that I percive they have ( that in it self is a big problem), I also hold people to the yard stick that I feel other people hold me to, which I have come to realize is all in my head. I'm angry because I am about to let some people down and I know that I might have more of a problem with it than they do. Oh well, a little something to grow on. So I'm angry that I can't be as great person that I try to have people percive me as. I am faulted and I have to let it out. I guess not acting like a 1950's housewife and a 1980's career woman rolled into one will take some getting used to but if I don't I will put myself in an early grave, and my son is too cool to miss out on any part.
I'm also angry that I only put worth on what I do for other people and how they percive that, I am ashamed of my horrible body image and can't help that I can only try to change it. If I don't I will lose my husband my home maybe my child and it is almost definate that my sanity will be gone. so the as ahrd as it is going to be, I have got to try. So if you see me trying to teach sign language to a dog or actually feed and clothe the poor and hungry, could you just remind me that all the problems I have can't be solved by trying to fix all the other problems of the world.

Thanks ta ta for now.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Ok so it seems that this is going to be even harder that I had thought.
When people make the statement "It's all about the kid(s)", that becomes more true if your not out drinking every night. People can preach how much their kids mean to them but until you can step up and actually take what you need out of the equation and make what they need be the most important thing then your just spouting out the crap!
In this situation it has been a long road of having to ask my husband to grow up. He in return says that I need to grow up (as you can see the maturity level in our house is low). I am of the school that parenting is a full time job and to be taken seriously. There are too many kids out there that don't get enough of a focus on them and I don't want my child to be one of thoses kids. I don't want him to be a kid like I was, sitting waiting for a daddy that wasn't coming. I don't want to be the bitter mother that feels the financial burden and feels it unfair that her life got taken away because she spends all her time making money so that the baby can have all he needs.
Since my husband refused to grow up when he was here, (now that he has even less responsibility he has nothing to hold him back) I am concerned that he will be the daddy that bolts. He has already shirked off seeing his son and has also taken no financial responsibility. He does though have money to go out drinking buy drugs and take cabs all over Gods green acre.
You ask why would he chose to do this and his response "He's just doing him". Isn't that a spectacular reason. I'm trying to mend a crushed little boy who wants his daddy who keeps looking for his daddy but doesn't understand that daddy has a problem that for a long time mommy fought against. This only created a wall and yes I know you can't make an addict quit and you can't reason with someones ego, but I thought he loved at least him enough to try. You can take me out of the equation even though I sit here wondering how you can look at a little boy that precious and happy and smart and so loving that he can make even the grayest day bright, and not try to not even care. To put your own selfish (yes I think they are selfish) needs ahead of something that beautiful and pure something so unconditional as your childs love.
I am angry I am hurt I do feel wronged, but I am ripped apart watching that little looking for daddy.
So please if your going to put the kids first, then damn it put them first.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

When enough is enough

So the events of the past week are justt to much for me. I have asked my husband to leave. This decision was based on many factors, mainly he refuses to give up doing drugs and working at bars till 4am.
Now please understand I have not fallen out of love with my husband. I have seen the darker side of his addiction, his complete removal from doing any thing productive or helpful is too much.
When asked a year and a half ago to stop smoking pot he did reluctantly, I was knowing too well that this might blow up in my face. It did but it took a year for him to ride a steady decline. He started hiding it from me and then when confronted he lied.
We then started having to weather some financial waves, now this is both of us that had to deal with this. He lost it he spirialed down and didn't even want to see the top. I tried my best to help him but was met with A BRICK WALL OF RESISITANCE!!! To the point of hiding his head under pillows and blankets to continue putting off any conversations. He had said many times, "You just need to let it go". I don't believe that ignoring something till it "goes away" is productive in anyway. I know him and I are different in our approches to life. I want to face it head on and try to find a solution as quickily as possible. He on the other hand wants it all to go away.
That would be really nice if that work think of it, you would never have to deal with another problem just keep putting it to the back of your mind and eventually it goes away.
In my experience with this form of "Dealing with life" (which is vast, I used to be a hider too) it is short lived and only sinks you into a much deeper hole.
This brings me to my next point, "It ain't all about you anymore" our son, who is spectacular deserves more.He deserves to not see life from the bottom and have to climb out because of my husbands or my laziness or lack of want to do something. This is the statement that all to be parents and parents alike need to hear, Your childhood is over, the moment that you decided that a new little person into the world you have to step up and take all that you want and need out of the equation. I'm not saying be chained to the house, (though some of you will) but parenthood is a full time job. this means all of you this does not mean when you feel like it.
I am not an expert I do not have all the answers but I'm willing to fail and pick myself up. I am willing to fight for the things that matter to me and I will stand my ground. I do all this for my choice for my son.
That said I would like to say that I waited till I was older to have my child and to get married. I believed that it is important for all people to have thier lives and thier own adventures before venturing into the scary land that is parenthood. I amt not be the most mature and I don't have it all figured out, but I'm doing my best

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Schools or the Parents

So here's the latest in Oh My God moments this week. Teaching 3rd graders about sex education. They say the reason for this being taught so early is because 80% of ninth graders are sexually active. Is this happening bacause of the bombardment of information that our children have accessable to them? Is it because we as adults are desensitised? Or is this just another thing that us as parents are passing on doing with our kids?
Ok first thing, 80% of ninth graders are sexually active. I thik before we take this statistic seriously some of those little boys that were asked need to be stuck on a lie detector. You know what I'm saying.
So let's go with about a modest 65% of 14 year olds are actually having sex, (that sound worse when you say 14 rather than 9th grader) if these kids are informed of what can happen and how to protect themselves then that's all you can do, unless your not adverse to home schooling and spending every waking minute being a voyeristic parent with the "Nanny Cam". Teenagers are going to do the most defiant thing that they can find so be willing to talk to the kiddies about the intercourse. You could make a game of it, see if you can gross your kid out before giving yourself a stroke. Could be quite the race. A majority of parents are too uncomfortable to have "The Talk" so their little hormone filled offspring are running around with no information and not enough of a set to actually buy the condoms or to ask the doctor about birth control. So what have we learned? If you don't want to be a grandparent helping teach your grandkid to walk right before you take your daughter out for her first driving test, then suck it up and start teaching your kids how to act like responsible adults.
This brings me to my next point are we to easy going on what our little ones little ears and eyes are being filled with? Do we not think that those little sponge brained 3 year olds can understand when something bad is on T.V? There have been certain instances in which I realized that my 2 year old has started to pay attention and has gotten really good at imitating. That scares me a little.
I think in all honesty that it might be a really good idea for all of the parents to stop complaining when the schools actually step up to the plate and start the education that you should start with your child. To teach your children how to be responsible and informed, to decide what's best for them and make decisions based on valid teachings and being able to have an open and honest dialoge with either of their parents. I would want to know what my kids teachers are saying to them at the very least so that I can decide whether that's what I want my child to hear. Or even to solidify the original teaching. I want to know that I have given my little one all the tools he will need to go out and be a good man. I also want him to hear it from me.

That's all I've got for today

Monday, April 19, 2010

The lost art of conversation

So lets call this what it is, a lost art. Communication has become one of the hardest things to accomplish even under the best of curcumstances. Now we have to battle against Text messages, BBM messages, voicemail, e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, and numerous other portals that have to be checked on such a frequent basis that we could lose our minds. I prefer the good old fashioned way you sit down you look at a person and SHOCKING!!! You talk! This is our most elusive forms of communication the "conversation" it's like the unicorn form of communicating. Stunningly beautiful when you achive it, but many don't believe it exhists.
I do have to say also in the defense of tech talkers, there is an efficiency to it but without emoticons how do you express the emotions? You live only in the flat black and white world of text, your thumbs bleeding from those tiny little buttons and the frustration of hitting send by accident. How did we get to believe that we are so busy that we can spend 2 hours a day returning emails or sending them when you could pick up the phone and talk for 2 minutes and express what you really want to say with emotion and feeling. I don't even understand why some cell phones have an actual phone to it, it never gets used so why have it. It's like when you walk into some ones office and they have their cell right next to their office phone, is the land line art? What purpose does it serve? It doesn't.
My child will learn to converse it is necessary to survival in my family, you don't chat, you might as well be wall paper. I grew up in a house where everyone got a chance to speak, but you had to have a valid and well thought out arguement to hold the floor. If not some one could swoop in with an "Interesting, but what about this?" and as quickly as you had it, it was taken away. The beautiful part was you had to actually listen to what the other person had to say so that you could get your spotlight back, and let me tell you my family talks fast so either pay attention or get really used to sitting there with a really confused look on your face. We would go through about 10 topics in about 2 hrs after dinner, some people would fall of in to sub-chats as I call them but I always liked to stick with the big dogs. The people who got SUPER passionate about what they believed and they had lots to back it up. It never really was an arguement so much as a battle royal for verbal supremicy. I miss doing that so much.
It's hard not to feel socially stagnated in a no talk zone. I have caught myself striking up conversations with strangers just to get a fix, older people are the best they'll talk for hours.
I will close with this, I do see the hypocrisy in typing my rants and yes I can appreciate it as a bit humourous but all people know that your feelings have to come out some how, so if you can do it in the way that you want you better get it out in the best way possible, uninterupted.

Lots of love and respect to you. Now go find some one to talk to.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Free Speech vs. Tolerance

In a city like Ottawa we have to wear our politicly correct hat all the time. Well mine is coming off, I would just like to preface by saying I am not classified as any strict political type. I believe that all veiws are relevent and necsassary to our society and culture.
Ann Coulter sparked great debate among all when she was requested to "tone it down", by the president of Ottawa U. This in my opinion was done on his part to ensure possibly her safety and to ensure her message would not be misconstrued as slander. No such luck, She decided to set off a slanderous bomb, for lack of a better term. Her email to the Ottawa Citizen was the beginning of the end of her stay in Ottawa. I will not quote her plainly because I do not wish to hear what she said again.
After these protests and debates over wrong and right, who is and who isn't?
No one, I beleive this is no longer the great debate of free speech it has turned into a question of tolerance. Do we have it or not?
When you have the fortune of living in a country that has social programs, free lunch programs in schools, good shelters and soup kitchens, and assistance for all. That would dictate a generous and responsible society. Many would disagree with me, Taxes are high, school systems are down, no art grants. all valid arguements. I agree we are the cultivaters of art and fitness in this country. Now how many art programs are available in say Uganda Or Haiti. How many of you live in a leaning piece of cardboard against a wall to house you and your 3 children because your husband was killed by a solider for not getting out of the way fast enough. Do you think that woman should not merit any kind of help to get out of a situation that is not of her doing, should her chldren suffer and starve to death because their father didn`t get off the street when told.
This never would have happened here, this is in my mind the reason our tolerance needs to rise. We have high awareness and we have compassion and we are the first in to help out when the going gets tough.
There are though those who feel in the right to say that they feel bullied into this ¨mulit-cultural¨ society. I don`t feel bullied I feel as if it is something that enriches our cities schools and businesses. I do agree there are some who when given the chance will abuse the system, don`t be too diluted we do it ALL the time and feel it in our right because it`s our country. Well I say Ok thet is your issue with the welfare office. they have hotlines call it in if your such a concerned citizen. People like to talk but they have no action. For them Shut it!
Back to the tolerance in our society you have the right, no the privledge to speak your mind the one thing you must bear in mind, so does everyone else. Deal with it. You feel so bullied go to a country that some of these people came from and see why it is that their here now. I don`t know many people who would up root the whole family to move across an ocean or contient just because they had a bad week. I say this is free country and you are free to leave if you feel so hard done by, just do us a favor drop us a card before you go infront a firing squad ( yes they still have them in some places) for running that mouth.
I have had, do have, and always will have friends of the ¨multi-cultural¨ back grounds. I am proud of the fact that I don`t always agree with what they say or do but I have tolerance for their right to do it.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

So this is it

So let me put this as delicately as I can, My boss is a jack ass! Ok so that wasn't so delicate. I have been let go from my job plainly because I told my boss that this isn't working out anymore. There was no communication between him and I, He was pitting the evening and the day staff against each other, and when your in a team enviroment doesn't work out so well.
I was sent very uncerimoniously out the door at the end of my shift on Friday, ah well guess I should have made those changes to the schedual before he fired me(they'll have some fun Friday). So after almost 6years of working for the same person I have been set free on the city once more. All I want to say is "Thank God it's over", Anyone else who has worked there says it takes a few days for the Stockholm Effect to wear off. Me it didn't even take 24hrs. The feeling of freedom not being under the thumb of Dunns and Stanley Devine is amazing, it is really a fog that you have to shake off to really see how it is that this place runs, for example. At no point is any employee to be allowed to take a break( but you have to post the break schedual). At no time is any employee allowed to call in sick, EVER! Any injuries sustained by any employee on the work premiss are not to be reported until Stanley has given his consent to send the paper work. if any manager breaks these rules they may be terminated with no notice or severance. What aload of crap. I broke everyone of thoses rules, and would do it again. Good bye Dunns you will not be missed nor will there be any type of regret as to the loss of my position.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Daycare The new frontier

So as of Febuary 1st my sweet, sweet baby bot will start Daycare. This I understand now as a necessity. He will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine. Maybe if I say it enough times I will believe it, I do believe it but it's still hard to think he's 2. seriously where did the last 2 years go, I remember being present but I just don't feel like I've really been here for the whole thing, anyways.
I'm kinda shocked at how quickly it happened,(I apologize to anyone reading this who had to take a long time on waiting lists or having to work through the part time aspect to get to the coveted Monday - Friday spot. It took me 3 whole days to seal the deal, tha's right kids 72 agony filled hours. I've heard of parents who put their kids on lists when they're pregnant and still have heard nothing by the time the kid is 2. We also have a subsidised spot opening up for us in 6 months. It is absolutly crazy when I think about it. This daycare is also rated in the top 15% in the city and is actually pretty hard to get into. It's bilingual 10 hours a day and has a class size of no more than 9 kids per day. The teachers are made up of a registered nurse an ECE teachers assit from Algonquin college 2 previous kindergarden teachers and a very sweet older lady that is the volenteer who has 8 grandchildren. Alex has taken quite a shine to her. The 2 other students in the class are in the process of completing their child pychology degree at Ottawa U.
I would have to say after meeting them all and seeing how well Alex took to them all I'm sure he will be fine.
he will be fine, he will be fine, he will be fine. I'm almost there maybe I just need alittle more time.