Sunday, August 8, 2010

Stop me if you have heard this.

Ok so to those of you who don't know me well, I come from a "broken home" What a stupid term. My parents amrried when they were 20 had me when they were 21, ( this maybe why I refused to entertain the idea of marriage or kids till 30)
For about 12 years I didn't see much of my father, I also spent every weekend at my grandparents and on month from summer vacation with my paternal grandparents and the other month with my maternal grandparents. So pretty much I have had about 5 people as my parents growing up.
On to this post though. I am in the middle of a custody battle for my son. I have tried to find a nice way to say this, but I can't. I will try tactful though.
My 34 year old husband(soon to be ex) has now decided after almost 3 months of barely seeing our son that he is filing for joint custody. Now for those of you with kids would you take any opportunity to see your kid(s)? I know I would.
So my husband is a little underhanded to say the least. He has already informed me that he has a friend ( he always has a friend) who works as a behavioral therapist of some sort. Now understand before anyone gets to weigh in on any issue you must have both sides, to understand the child and the life they have you must know a little bit about each parent and the role that they play in the childs life.
So when he tells me that she believes that it is best for our son at the age of 2 to have 2 homes and go back and forth between the 2. I have spoken to a worker at Childrens Aid and people at the family law clinic, the director of the daycare that he goes to, I would think these people would know what the most reasonable solution to this issue would be and they say... That overnight visits for children under the age of 5-6 (depending on maturity) are not recommended. It can be very stressful and confusing to a young child to live in 2 different homes. Ok now lets tie this information with my first statement. I grew up in no less than 3 homes, it really does take a village trust me. I have memories of so many different kinds of parenting styles and views, it's confusing. I broke free from my family for a long time in my 20's and had to learn who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be, I'm still fine tuning it. This was when I started talking more to my father my thought he cared about my feelings before then why would he start now, this is not a slam I believe that everone in thier life should have someone who they listen to and give the NO GODDAMN BULLSHIT ANSWER!!!!
This is also how I adapted my don't lie to people policy and don't lie to me in return. My philosophy I would rather have 5 minutes of hurt and start to deal with something rather than 5 months of wondering if it was true. I hate fake people they make me very angry.
So back to my dad, I have very frank conversations with him. He is the one who helped guide me a bit through this. He was the one who told me that when a guy who wanted a family,then turns around and has no respect for you and complains about everything you do (even if you are trying to help him) he says away and gets mad when you ask him to come home, Blames you for everything and still wants to have sex but no real emotional attachment that man is gone he is either self involved or otherwise involved, ( and considering him and I started when he was with his last girlfriend, I know I'm a moron) we can tell which way I was leaning.
Here is the big kicker my father did the same thing to my mom, greatest childhood fear realized you damn well better believe it. So when your father who you have resented through most of your life for what he did tells you that your husband is acting the same as he did, you make them leave and quickly, do not pass go do not collect $200 just get the hell outta Dodge!
So now my absentee husband decided 2 times last week to blow our son off plainly because the situation was now to his liking. He is supposed to be supervised he doesn't want to be. He had someone to pick him up if he needed and then just let him spend time with his son, but no. He says that I am using our son as a weapon. When you are giving him lots of opportunity and lots of options and he still has to bugger off because he isn't getting his way then that I take personally don't blow off your kid they don't deal with parental rejection well and it will come back to haunt you.
So like I said to all the parents out there how much of yourself and your pride are you willing to give up for the unspeakable joy of being with youyr kids?
Me, I would do anything. You want me to learn how to stand in my hands and play tamboreen with my feet while playing Bach on a Kazoo to a sold out crowd in Wimbley stadium? Done and Done!
Don't blow off your kid because you don't get exactly what you want and then blame the other parent and tell them they are using your child as a weapon. I think my favorite part is when he told me he was filing for joint custody and would be taking our son 4 days a week and I could see how I like it.
So that is it, I'm too stressed out to continue and the bestest kid is starting to wake up from his nap, I can hear the singing.

Tata for now...